Make-up sex requires actually making up

I finished the Fifty Shades Trilogy a while ago. But I needed some time to let my thoughts simmer on the many degrees of fucked up these books present.

My first issue with the series is the way they present sex. Sex can be a positive thing, but in these books sex is not only a form of punishment but a way to escape a fight. This is not healthy. Having sex once to fix a fight is a way of getting out pent up emotions, but using sex to solve every single fight is not okay. Christian seduces Ana every time they fight. They never solve an issue and he never hears her grievances with him—and she has a lot of grievances. As the title of this post shows, make up sex actually requires making up, something Christian avoids because he doesn’t like to deal with his 50 shades of fucked upness. I know this book shouldn’t be an example to anyone of a healthy relationship, but I’m sure some women are using it as one. And that is terrifying to me. Couples may be having a lot more sex as a result of this book, but I’m sure divorce rates will increase too!

My second problem with the trilogy actually horrified me. 50 Shades Freed is dedicated to “my beloved Father. Daddy, I miss you every day.” This was sweet and made me tear up. Then you read a couple of pages of the book and there are anal plugs and bondage during pregnancy—not something I would ever want my father to know I do (I don’t for clarification!), let alone think about.

My dad is the smartest man I know and I would certainly dedicate a book to him. But if there was even a kissing scene in my book, I would not dedicate it to him. I’m his little girl; he doesn’t want to think of me kissing boys. I think he would genuinely have a heart attack if he found out I wanted a red room of pain!

No offence to E.L. James, I think the dedication is lovely. But is this trilogy really the appropriate place for a heartfelt dedication? Do you want people to connect this book and your father? Freud would have a field day with the connection between daddy issues and S&M.

A lot of people have taken offence to the poor writing in the books. There is a lot of it. But my bigger issue was with the connotations some of her phrases create. I have already complained about my beef with Ana’s inner goddess—Lizzie McGuire anyone. But I really got annoyed every time Ana called Christian “her Fifty.” It is the plague of my generation that someone says fifty and I sing “Go shorty it’s your birthday, we gonna party like it’s your birthday.” Ana screams out Fifty and I am thinking of 50 cent, a tattooed rapper with a lot of gunshot scars and a speech impediment. Not romantic and certainly not any women’s –excluding Chelsea Handler– idea of the perfect guy, which is what Christina Grey is suppose to be.

Though the more I think about it 50 Cent and Christian Grey have a lot in common…they will both take you to the candy shop and let you lick the lollipop. Both are PIMPS. Maybe James was onto something.

Another frequently used description was calling the red room of pain the playroom. I’m sorry but equating anything childlike with weird sex is not okay. I worked in a daycare so I hear playroom and I imagine blocks, a craft corner and giggling kids. After reading this trilogy a playroom brings about images of nipple clamps, spanking with a riding crop and submissive women. Not okay, now okay at all.

As an English student my brain is going in overdrive thinking about what it means that James connects playrooms with sex and a story of a dominant man with her father. But I graduated four months ago and don’t plan on writing a literary essay ever again. So it’s my present to you to analyse what this means to your heart’s content. Enjoy!

That is one more thing crossed of my list of surviving summer stress. I’m not sure if reading this trilogy improved my soul, but I certainly forgot about the stresses of daily life.

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Checking things off my list thanks to Bravestation

Well I checked off my first task on my list of Surviving Summer Stress. I saw my favourite band on Tuesday night in London.

I first came across Bravestation in September 2010. I was given an assignment to review three bands at the Mansion in Kingston. It was the first time I had ever done a concert review so I was petrified. I was the shy girl in the corner who didn’t feel cool enough to be at a concert.

But I left the show irrevocably in love with Bravestation. Ironically I was there to cover one of the other bands playing that night. Sometimes you can’t help where your music loving heart takes you.

The band was in Londonto play tunes from their new album, Giants & Dreamers. I am loving their new album, it has an infectious Caribbean feel that makes me think I’m on the beach with an umbrella drink in my hand. In reality I’m in crappy London, but at least them usic takes me elsewhere.

They started off the night with their new release “Western Thrills,” an appropriate choice since London is the home of Western University. I adore this song, it has quickly become one of the top played songs on my iPod.

I constantly describe the band’s sound as infectious but that’s the only way to describe it! They just make you want to dance down the street as you listen to them on the way to class…though I try really hard not to dance walk to class. “Western Thrills” makes that a hard thing to do.

They ended the night with their song “White Wolves,” from their 2010 EP. Now this song is my absolute favourite song. It is the song that made me fall in love with them in the first place and it’s the song that I still go to as a pick me up. I may have deafened my friends with my scream when they said they were going to play this.

The only disappointment of the night was the turnout, about a dozen people showed up. In Kingston shows were always packed and there was such an energy from the crowd. The past two shows I have gone to in Kingston for Bravestation have been packed. But Londoners don’t seem to have the same passion for music. Their loss!

As the band was graciously thanking everyone for coming, they said cheers to the people who want to be here. I have to say wherever Bravestation goers, I willingly follow.

If you’re inToronto tonight you should check out their album release party for Giants & Dreamers at the Drake. Or buy their album off ITunes on Tuesday. Trust me when I say this band wiggles their way into your heart and has you embarrassingly dancing on public transportation when you hear their music.

Fifty Shades of Fucked Up

So I finished part one of the Shades of Grey trilogy. And obviously I’m quite traumatized. My dear friend Ahmed told me I wasn’t allowed to read the books because I’m too innocent. He may have been right!

I have a long list of problems with this book. Too many to name really, so here is my condensed version.

1. How is E.L James getting away with clearly plagiarizing Twilight. I know the series was originally Twilight fanfiction. But come on she could have done more then just change the names, she should have changed character descriptions. They are still clearly the Twilight characters. Christian is a perfect controlling god just like Edward. Brunette and clumsy Ana is clearly Bella. And maybe the worst is Jose as Jacob. Just because Jacob is Aboriginal doesn’t mean Jose has to be ethnic too. It’s kind of racist and offensive.

2. This goddess person that Ana always refers to is weird. Who sees another form of themselves commenting on their decisions. No one. Well actually one person, Lizzie McGuire. But the state of Hilary Duff’s career is evidence why an alter-ego on your shoulder is a bad idea.

3. The references to classical novels drives me up the wall. Mainly because they distort what the novels are about. Tess of the D’Urbervilles is not romantic at all. Tess is raped, ruined, gets married, gets abandoned by husband because she isn’t pure, becomes rapist’s mistress, hubby comes back, and then she dies. It’s not a happy story and I don’t appreciate it being portrayed as a romance. This is my problem with Twilight as well. Stephanie Meyer uses Romeo and Juliet and Wuthering Heights as love stories that Bella and Edward emulate. But they’re not love stories, the main characters all die! Heathcliff digs Catherine up out of her grave so he can die with her. That’s not romance. Also these authors have clearly read classic literature, yet they are such poor writers. How does that occur?

4. My mom has read them. Yes to my horror my mother has read all three books and loves them because of the storyline. My mom is very sweet so I believe her when she says she just likes the storyline. But still how gross is it to know your mom has read about spanking for pleasure, bondage and weird vaginal balls. bleh!

As disgusted as I am I still can’t wait to read the next book. This is what I don’t understand, why am I addicted to something so weird. But maybe that’s why Ana lets Christian be her dominant, it’s horrible but inexplicably you want more.

Surviving Summer Stress

So it’s fairly obvious I have failed to update my blog in awhile. Journalism school is kicking my butt. The hours are long and by the end of the day I have just enough energy to fall into bed.

Something needs to change because living like this is going to kill me. Plus it’s not fun going to bed at 8pm like a grandma. I want my life back.

So I made a list of things I want to do this summer. This way I can actually enjoy my summer. And I can feel more fulfilled because as I’m learning marks are far from fulfilling. Actually they suck.

Here is my list…

1. Take an art class…I use to be creative and I seem to have lost that.

2. Make my own art for my apartment…getting back my creativity

3. Read 50 Shades of Grey trilogy…don’t judge me. The book is so popular I need to see what all the mommy porn fuss is about. Of course I will be doing so in the privacy of my own home where no one can see what I’m reading.

4. Go to a concert in London…I am failing at exploring my new city.

5. Explore Toronto…There are so many art events I always want to go to and I never find the time to go. So this summer I will go the Picasso art exhibit and the new exhibit on Ballet Costumes.

6. Make my own popsicles…who doesn’t love a summer treat. Plus I read a delicious sounding recipe with lavender and apricot flavoured popsicles. Doesn’t that sound amazing?

7. Take a mini road trip…I am broke so this will be a very mini trip.

8. DIY denim shorts..my favourite jeans ripped. They will now become my favourite shorts.

9. Baking experiment…I once made cupcakes explode in the oven. Not on purpose of course. This summer I will try to become a baker. Clearly I will attempt the popsicles first and judge my proficiency from there.

10. Hair Makeover…my dear friend calls my hair Medusa, so I am going to make an effort everyday to do something fun with my hair. Can you say hair accessories crafts!

And the best part is I’m going to blog about each of my experiences! It’s almost July 1, so two months and counting to finish all ten tasks. Let the mayhem begin.